Lucky

The following piece is something I posted in another social networking site, and I was told it was fairly well-written, with encouragement to publish it here. It may have some TMI if you are squeamish about others’ bodies; consider yourself warned:

Just the other day I was encouraging a friend to better how she saw her body. Not a bad thing to do, but all the while I was thinking about my own flaws and some days how much I dislike my own body.

When I talk about hating my body most people think it is about my weight. Yes, as of yesterday I am 5’7″ and 283 pounds. While I don’t think I’m of average build (big boned and a lot of boob and muscle), I’m fat. But as long as I can remember, I’ve always been overweight, and I think I would look weird skinny. My concern for weight loss is more health-based.

I’m not asking for solutions or sympathy, I’m just getting it “out there”. Here is what I don’t like about my body:

  • My teeth. I was not blessed with straight teeth and I have had appliance after appliance, braces, retainers, surgeries, etc., and my top teeth are still not 100% straight (my bottom still have the permanent retainer keeping them straight). As a child I had more than my fair share of liquid amoxicilin, which apparently stains your teeth pretty badly, a fact my teeth show.
  • Under my arms. I have these little oddly-shaped bunches of skin clustered around there. I don’t know what they are, all I know is that my dad has them and the docs refuse to remove his. This makes me feel a little less, feminine I guess.
  • My hands. They are fat (my high school and college rings are men’s styles), they are often rough despite my attempts, and my nails are uber-fragile. It is not uncommon for me to break a nail simply by accidentally smacking my hand against a door frame. It is a struggle to keep my nails as long as they are, and rarely do they grow beyond the tip of my finger.
  • My scars. From a quick glance, there are 17 on my lower arms, 12 on my chest/stomach, and I don’t even care to know how many are on my legs. With the exception of my c-section scars and one line on my right knee from falling on broken concrete ~12 years ago, the rest of the scars are from bug bites, mainly from mosquitoes and spiders. And yes, I’ve heard the line “Then you must be really sweet”, and that has gotten so old it is ancient. I’m absolutely ashamed of my legs.
  • My feet. I hate this part of my body the most. There is something strange about me allowing a lover to do all sorts of things to my vagina before I will let him/her touch my feet. They have similar scarring as my legs, the same nail problems as my hands, and some pretty serious callous issues. It is pretty embarrassing going to a nail salon, having the gal working on your feet gather the other technicians around, chattering in Korean for everyone else to see for a good 5 minutes while looking at your feet, and then telling you she can’t work on them.

Despite all of this, there are people who have seen all of this and still find me physically attractive. I consider myself pretty lucky.

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